[what's brewing: Coffeegirl, good to the last drop!]
The thought of composing my last Coffeegirl Confessions post has brought a multitude of thoughts and emotions to the surface. I’ve faced a jumbled lot of emotions, knowing that this is indeed a necessary change but knowing that nonetheless, it brings with it elements of loss. Physical loss is often far easier to deal with because there are tangible representations of the change, but the intangible losses in life are many times just as, if not more significant than tangible losses.
It is the sting of those intangible losses that I am feeling the most in the midst of this change.
Looking back at where this journey started , I am reminded of the intangible losses that made saying goodbye to our first house so difficult – memories of our first Christmas, the process of making the decision to come here, lazy Saturday morning breakfasts, and the crazy ways we tried to stay cool during the blistering summer heat with no air conditioning. It was hard to leave that tangible space because of all the intangible yet treasured memories that had been created there.
So it is with this goodbye. Coffeegirl Confessions has been a place to share my journey in a way that I couldn’t have done in any other way. It’s been an endeavor of processing my experiences in ways I likely would have missed otherwise, and sharing them with other people on a weekly basis (well, almost).
It’s been a place of connecting with other women who understand the complexities of cross-cultural living – a place of hearing, “I know exactly what you mean!” even when I wrote about things I was sure would reveal my true neurosis. It’s been a place of seeing women from different cultures, backgrounds, denominations, fields of service and life circumstances come together on common ground to share their experiences and encourage one another.
If you’ve never noticed the CG’s Global Friends map on the sidebar before, take a look at see all the places where readers are located around the world. That map provides a profound visual representation of the experience of Coffeegirl Confessions – a global community of readers who come together to connect on common ground, setting aside the matters that so often lead to division rather than unity within the family of believers.
When Cindy Blomquist, Editor of Women of the Harvest, and I first started talking about the idea of starting a blog like this we were really unsure what would come of it. We agreed to run it for 6 months and see what happened. We hoped for the best but braced ourselves for the real possibility of a low reader turnout. When the first post went up I was hoping for just one comment from someone, anyone out there. I was delighted when I checked in and found 7 comments, and was amazed when the comments continued to come not just that day, but in the weeks and months to follow.
And it is there, in your comments and your weekly visits to read along, that the real value of this blog resides. I’ve been blessed with the opportunity to share my thoughts, but you have turned the ramblings of a lone Coffeegirl into a community. And therein lies my reassurance to each of you that despite the ending of my weekly posts, the community and connection that has been built here can be sustained.
I have learned many things through my experience as Coffeegirl, but if I leave you with just one last thought it would be this:
The experiences that make you feel alone wherever you are living are the same experiences that can unite you with others who are living this cross-cultural adventure. Hiding our fears, failures and honest emotions only isolates us from the community of believers that God has intended for us to rely upon. There is no place for competition or comparison among us. Whether it be a language disaster, a cultural mishap or a deep disappointment in your ministry or personal life, sharing the experience leads us to dwell in the unity we are called to.
How about you? What have you learned along this journey together?
And now with a very thankful heart, I bid you farewell. Thank you for reading, for commenting, and for sharing yourselves in this Coffeegirl Confessions community. There are many more good things to come…so ya’ll come back now!!
[Editor’s Note: OK, all you cyber lookie-lou’s and loyal CG comment post-ers, I have one HUGE request: please post a comment to our dear Coffeegirl and let her know how she has impacted you!
This site will remain intact and will guide you to new blogs—one is being launched today: WOTH Writer’s Blog-- and resources hosted by WOTH.
The blog roll of Coffeegirl Regulars will keep you connected to one another through the experiences you’re sharing in your own words.
Updates--including the arrival of CG's little coffee bean--and highlights will be posted here to keep you connected to the global community that has been established over the last year and a half. Follow WOTH Editor on Twitter—I promise not to post frivolous tweets!]
Tuesday, November 3, 2009
Tuesday, October 27, 2009
Change Me
[what's brewing: I'll have tea...not!...I'm still Coffeegirl, that will never change]
Last week’s post about the winds of change that have been blowing in my life went out with some anxiety on my part, and your gracious and encouraging responses have been much appreciated in light of that. Change is hard, and not just when it’s the result of difficult circumstances. Changes that result from desirable circumstances – like ministry growth and even the arrival of little “coffee beans” (loved that phrase from last week!) – can still be hard to go through, which is something I’ve been thinking about a lot lately.
Changes in roles and responsibilities are often accompanied by a sense of loss of identity.
I often construct my sense of identity out of the roles I fill or the activities I’m involved with; so when those basic elements are changed, I feel unsettled and insecure. I feel like a child wanting to cling to a security blanket that will reassure me of who I am despite my changing circumstances. I know that many of the roles and responsibilities that I take on are the result of God-given abilities. I also know that my reliance upon them can quickly cross the line and move into the prideful realm of self-reliance.
Isn't it far too easy to go beyond the God-intended parameters of understanding our gifts and abilities as extensions of our true identity in Him and to instead see our roles and responsibilities as the lone source of our identity?
Grief and loss over changes in our lives are healthy and necessary processes. I have experienced the consequence of stifling or ignoring the significance of change in my life. So with the acknowledgement of the importance of grieving the losses that result from change, I would also suggest that a good litmus test of where I am drawing my identity from is the degree of distress that results from having my role or responsibilities stripped away from me. On some level, the values of this world have led me to equate value with capacity and identity with accomplishments.
Do I really believe myself to be just as valuable, just as loved and just as useful to the Lord when I am only capable being with Him as when I am able to accomplish, attain and achieve masses of work for Him?
By extension, can I confidently say that I value the lives of the incapacitated beggars on the streets as much as the efficient and productive leaders of society? It’s the same influence that kept the devoted Jews waiting for a valiant messiah when the King of Glory was instead born in a humble stable and laid into a manger. The true identity of the Messiah was clouded by the role he assumed.
So my prayer as I have been blown about by the winds of change on many fronts over the past few months has been that I would not just endure these changes, but that I would be changed by them. I want to be changed by the experience of laying certain things down and opening new doors of possibility. I want to reaffirm my true identity above any other role or responsibility that I have carried up until now.
Missionary, counselor, director, leader, teacher, writer, wife and mother are simply roles that I fill.
Redeemed child of the Creator is my identity. I long for that to be the ultimate satisfaction of my being.
Last week’s post about the winds of change that have been blowing in my life went out with some anxiety on my part, and your gracious and encouraging responses have been much appreciated in light of that. Change is hard, and not just when it’s the result of difficult circumstances. Changes that result from desirable circumstances – like ministry growth and even the arrival of little “coffee beans” (loved that phrase from last week!) – can still be hard to go through, which is something I’ve been thinking about a lot lately.
Changes in roles and responsibilities are often accompanied by a sense of loss of identity.
I often construct my sense of identity out of the roles I fill or the activities I’m involved with; so when those basic elements are changed, I feel unsettled and insecure. I feel like a child wanting to cling to a security blanket that will reassure me of who I am despite my changing circumstances. I know that many of the roles and responsibilities that I take on are the result of God-given abilities. I also know that my reliance upon them can quickly cross the line and move into the prideful realm of self-reliance.
Isn't it far too easy to go beyond the God-intended parameters of understanding our gifts and abilities as extensions of our true identity in Him and to instead see our roles and responsibilities as the lone source of our identity?
Grief and loss over changes in our lives are healthy and necessary processes. I have experienced the consequence of stifling or ignoring the significance of change in my life. So with the acknowledgement of the importance of grieving the losses that result from change, I would also suggest that a good litmus test of where I am drawing my identity from is the degree of distress that results from having my role or responsibilities stripped away from me. On some level, the values of this world have led me to equate value with capacity and identity with accomplishments.
Do I really believe myself to be just as valuable, just as loved and just as useful to the Lord when I am only capable being with Him as when I am able to accomplish, attain and achieve masses of work for Him?
By extension, can I confidently say that I value the lives of the incapacitated beggars on the streets as much as the efficient and productive leaders of society? It’s the same influence that kept the devoted Jews waiting for a valiant messiah when the King of Glory was instead born in a humble stable and laid into a manger. The true identity of the Messiah was clouded by the role he assumed.
So my prayer as I have been blown about by the winds of change on many fronts over the past few months has been that I would not just endure these changes, but that I would be changed by them. I want to be changed by the experience of laying certain things down and opening new doors of possibility. I want to reaffirm my true identity above any other role or responsibility that I have carried up until now.
Missionary, counselor, director, leader, teacher, writer, wife and mother are simply roles that I fill.
Redeemed child of the Creator is my identity. I long for that to be the ultimate satisfaction of my being.
Tuesday, October 20, 2009
The Winds of Change
[what's brewing: I'm gonna change it up]I’ve been thinking a lot about change lately. If there is one element of life that seems to remain constant, it is the continually changing nature of things. Ironic, isn’t it? Just when I start to feel settled, or at least comfortable, in one area of life, things start to shift in another.
As the winds of change have been blowing in my life, I’ve had to sit and reevaluate many things. I feel a bit like Mary Poppins, actually – sensing a shift in the winds that are blowing through my life and knowing that change is looming in the air. It was the West Wind that eventually carried Mary Poppins away to new and unknown places. For me, it is the swiftly approaching due date of our first child, combined with the cumulative effect of changes in a number of different aspects of our life, that is carrying me away.
Ms. Poppins exuded much more confidence in the face of impending change than I have, but honestly I always found her matter-of-fact departure to be a bit insensitive—I don’t mind the emotional impact that change has on me. So yes, despite my confidence that the changing circumstances in my life are rightly carrying me away from this role, it is still difficult to tell you, my readers and trusted companions, that Coffeegirl Confessions is coming to a close.
After a year and a half of confiding in you many of my experiences, dilemmas, dismays and delights in this cross-cultural adventure, my chest tightens and my throat begins to ache when I consider the size of the canyon that will be left when our weekly coffee chats come to an end.
But I am also reminded that as a result of this year and a half of my weekly confessions and the dialogue they have created, the expanse before us looks very different now than it did when we began. Slowly but surely we have bonded together as a community of bloggers (in fact, several new Coffeegirl Regulars have just joined us in the past week or two, and their enthusiasm created pangs of guilt for me as this change has been pending…).
We have learned from one another and we have connected on shared common experiences that run deeper than denominations or global localities. There are now 66 of you on the Blog Roll who have opened the doors for other readers to step into your world and walk alongside you. As I step back from my work as Coffeegirl and begin to navigate the waters of motherhood, I know I will continue to benefit from the writing you all do on your personal blogs as I click in to see what you’re saying and learn from your insights and experiences.
And it is my hope and prayer that you all will do the same – that the words of “Who’s Coffeegirl?” (see blog sidebar) will ring true and you’ll see that there is a piece of Coffeegirl Confessions in every woman who has served outside her home culture. There is so much we can learn, so much we can gain, and so much we can give to one another beyond the confines of this blog, for you all are the ones who have given this blog life.
This isn’t goodbye just yet – it’s just another confession. I’m being carried away by the winds of change, but you won’t be left on your own. The winds of change are blowing at Women of the Harvest too, so keep coming back to hear more about what’s coming next…
[Editor’s note: Coffeegirl’s last column will be posted on November 3…sniff, sniff]
As the winds of change have been blowing in my life, I’ve had to sit and reevaluate many things. I feel a bit like Mary Poppins, actually – sensing a shift in the winds that are blowing through my life and knowing that change is looming in the air. It was the West Wind that eventually carried Mary Poppins away to new and unknown places. For me, it is the swiftly approaching due date of our first child, combined with the cumulative effect of changes in a number of different aspects of our life, that is carrying me away.
Ms. Poppins exuded much more confidence in the face of impending change than I have, but honestly I always found her matter-of-fact departure to be a bit insensitive—I don’t mind the emotional impact that change has on me. So yes, despite my confidence that the changing circumstances in my life are rightly carrying me away from this role, it is still difficult to tell you, my readers and trusted companions, that Coffeegirl Confessions is coming to a close.
After a year and a half of confiding in you many of my experiences, dilemmas, dismays and delights in this cross-cultural adventure, my chest tightens and my throat begins to ache when I consider the size of the canyon that will be left when our weekly coffee chats come to an end.
But I am also reminded that as a result of this year and a half of my weekly confessions and the dialogue they have created, the expanse before us looks very different now than it did when we began. Slowly but surely we have bonded together as a community of bloggers (in fact, several new Coffeegirl Regulars have just joined us in the past week or two, and their enthusiasm created pangs of guilt for me as this change has been pending…).
We have learned from one another and we have connected on shared common experiences that run deeper than denominations or global localities. There are now 66 of you on the Blog Roll who have opened the doors for other readers to step into your world and walk alongside you. As I step back from my work as Coffeegirl and begin to navigate the waters of motherhood, I know I will continue to benefit from the writing you all do on your personal blogs as I click in to see what you’re saying and learn from your insights and experiences.
And it is my hope and prayer that you all will do the same – that the words of “Who’s Coffeegirl?” (see blog sidebar) will ring true and you’ll see that there is a piece of Coffeegirl Confessions in every woman who has served outside her home culture. There is so much we can learn, so much we can gain, and so much we can give to one another beyond the confines of this blog, for you all are the ones who have given this blog life.
This isn’t goodbye just yet – it’s just another confession. I’m being carried away by the winds of change, but you won’t be left on your own. The winds of change are blowing at Women of the Harvest too, so keep coming back to hear more about what’s coming next…
[Editor’s note: Coffeegirl’s last column will be posted on November 3…sniff, sniff]
Monday, October 12, 2009
Coffeegirl Challenge #6 - Tribute to Seasons
[what's brewing: a global perspective]
As the seasons are shifting around the globe, 5 Coffeegirl readers have given us a glimpse of the scenery in their part of the world.
The poll closes next Monday, October 19 at 9am Mountain Standard Time (2 hours behind Eastern Time) so tell your friends and family to get out and vote before then. The winner will be announced next Tuesday, and I'm sure she'll be eager to claim her gift card to Amazon, iTunes or Shutterfly - wouldn't you be too?! And now...
As the seasons are shifting around the globe, 5 Coffeegirl readers have given us a glimpse of the scenery in their part of the world.
So pour yourself a cup of coffee in true Coffeegirl fashion,
enjoy the global variety represented in their photographs,
leave a comment telling us about the scenery in your part of the world,
and be sure to VOTE for your favorite photograph before jumping into the reality that awaits you!
enjoy the global variety represented in their photographs,
leave a comment telling us about the scenery in your part of the world,
and be sure to VOTE for your favorite photograph before jumping into the reality that awaits you!
The poll closes next Monday, October 19 at 9am Mountain Standard Time (2 hours behind Eastern Time) so tell your friends and family to get out and vote before then. The winner will be announced next Tuesday, and I'm sure she'll be eager to claim her gift card to Amazon, iTunes or Shutterfly - wouldn't you be too?! And now...
A Tribute to Seasons Around the World:
Tribute #1 - Harvest Festival in the desert in western Mongolia
by Michelle
Tribute #2 - An afternoon of flower planting to celebrate the arrival of spring!
by Lisa B., Peru
Tribute #3 - Pecan Tree: pecans are in season as fall arrives...this state produces 70% of Mexico's entire pecan crop!
by Becky A., Mexico
Tribute #4 - The rice harvest in the city
by MCS, Sendai, Japan
Tribute #5 - Australian Wattle
by Wendy M., on home assignment from Japan
Tribute #1 - Harvest Festival in the desert in western Mongoliaby Michelle
Tribute #2 - An afternoon of flower planting to celebrate the arrival of spring!by Lisa B., Peru
Tribute #3 - Pecan Tree: pecans are in season as fall arrives...this state produces 70% of Mexico's entire pecan crop!by Becky A., Mexico
Tribute #4 - The rice harvest in the cityby MCS, Sendai, Japan
Tribute #5 - Australian Wattleby Wendy M., on home assignment from Japan
Tuesday, October 6, 2009
Coffeegirl Challenge #6
[what's brewing: depends where you are...]It's that time of year again when my internal clock resounds with the fullness of fall. As the calendar turns over to the autumn months, my seasonal sensations kick in and I start to crave the quintessential elements of fall. Choosing my favorite fall element would be an impossible task (apple cider? pumpkin patches? candy corn?), but certainly one of my all time favorites has to be the crunching of leaves after they've changed color, fallen to the ground, and been blown about on the sidewalks. Ooh, I just love that feeling.
Knowing that those of us who convene here at Coffeegirl Confessions are presently scattered throughout different hemispheres, climates, cultures and countries, we certainly aren't all in a place where we can enjoy a taste of fall. On several blogs I've seen creative efforts being put forth to create a sense of fall where it is nowhere to be found, and I've seen others who are embracing their chance at spring while those in the north are slipping into autumn. And there are others who are indeed experiencing fall, but in a different way in a different land than they are used to.
I love the diversity that is represented among us in so many different ways and I thought this would be a good time to celebrate that diversity...
Coffeegirl Challenge #6: a tribute to seasons around the world!
Your task: Take an artistic photograph that captures the current season where you are living, be it hot, cold, fall or spring - or something in between - and submit it as an entry into Coffeegirl's Celebration of Seasons photo contest. All photos will be displayed next week, October 13th, and readers will vote for their favorite entry to determine our winner. (If you submit a photograph, be sure to let your friends and family members know so that they can turn out and vote for you!)
As a reminder, by asking for an artistic photograph I mean nothing against your kids, teammates or home decorations...but leave them out of it, indulge your creative side and give us a taste of the culture you're living in. Remember this definition from our Field Day event?
Artistic Photograph: photography that is…done to express the artist's perceptions and emotions and to share them with others.
The stakes: The winner will receive their choice of a $20 gift card to iTunes, Amazon.com, or Shutterfly.
Details, details: Photos should be submitted to coffeegirlconfessions@yahoo.com by Monday, October 12 at 9:00am Mountain Standard Time (2 hours behind East Coast Time). Please specify which details you would like to have posted with your photo, i.e. name, Blogger name, or initials; country of service, etc.
Need some inspiration? Check out the last batch of artistic photographs that were submitted for our Field Day event back in June!
Tuesday, September 29, 2009
No Time Like the Present
[what's brewing: I'm trying not to guess...]
With my recent post on looking back and last week's post on containing my expectations for the present, I suppose it seems somewhat predictable that my thoughts this week are related to the future. Funny how that happens. One of the things I enjoy most about blogging is that it allows me to see themes in my thought patterns that I would otherwise miss out on - a glimpse at the common thread that is running through the widely varied experiences of my daily life. And lately the theme seems to be about both time and contentment. Or perhaps more accurately, my struggle against time and quest for contentment.
I have a complicated relationship with the concept of time. The passage of time is something I hold dearly. My nostalgic nature thrives on it as I cling closely to my treasures. I find the feeling of sentimental wistfulness that emerges from looking at old pictures or turning the delicate pages of my grandfather's worn Bible so moving that it feels as if I could be transported back in time by the strength of those feelings. I am enchanted by the passage of time.
Yet I also hold a certain amount of disdain for time in its more powerful form as the holder of the unknown future. There is no speeding it up, bribing it to move faster or threatening it to reveal its secrets. It holds its position firmly - fists clenched and arms crossed, forcing me to wait, wait, wait for the natural passage of time that will answer my questions and calm my anxieties.
This nature of time not only contributes to my propensity for worry but robs me of the value of living in the present. Currently there are so many variables shifting around in my life that I'm having trouble focusing on the present and the tasks that are before me. The majority of my thoughts are caught up trying to imagine what things would be like if this or that came to pass, and by the end of the day I feel the impact of living in the solitary world of my own preoccupations despite the fact that I've been with people all day.
I am enticed to think about the future by the way it can temporarily ease my anxiety of the unknown. The satisfaction of imagining myself on the greener grass that could come with a change of circumstances enables me to forget momentarily that even I know it would look different on the other side.
In recent days my attention has been caught by the reality of what I miss when I am busy thinking about the future. I have realized how many opportunities for meaningful conversations naturally slip by when I am looking up instead of ahead. I find less joy in the work we are doing here when my heart isn't engaged because its busy thinking about the satisfaction that could be. Relationships go untended, meaningful moments are hurried past, and ultimately, contentment slips right through my fingers as I'm busy searching for it in other places.
I would love to say that I have no idea what Eve was thinking when she listened to the serpent's sales pitch and decided to take that fruit, but lately I've been seeing a lot of Eve in my own reflection. The desire to know more, the discontent of being limited by present circumstances, the appeal of instant gratification when bound by a restriction - I can understand these things.
And I can see the consequences of choosing to live in the future rather than the present. I know the disappointment that comes over me at the end of a day when I realize how disengaged I have been. I am sobered by the ways I foster discontentment in my own heart in my quest for contentment in future possibilities.
Therefore, I am setting my resolve to keep my eyes looking straight ahead, not up the road or into the sky where the world seems a happier, easier place to be. I have been brought into this world, to this place, at this precise moment to glorify God and enjoy Him forever.
Oh Lord, let my heart be satisfied by you alone. Let my knowledge of your faithfulness and goodness sustain me. Be the strength of my heart and my portion forever.
Tuesday, September 22, 2009
Expectations
[what's brewing: dissention]
What do you think of when you hear the phrase “great expectations”? Charles Dickens, perhaps? An inspiring sermon you may have heard about having great expectations for the work God is going to do in a certain situation or setting? I have to confess that my first thought when I hear this phrase is…great disappointment.
I’m not usually such a pessimist, but it’s true – over time I have come to believe that the higher and greater my expectations are, the more likely I am to be disappointed. I would suggest that this perception is actually a part of what keeps me optimistic in many situations – my expectations are low, so I am always hopeful for what may transpire. I don’t go around expecting the worst; I just try to keep an openness of mind with most things so that I don’t set myself up for disappointment.
(I was reminded of the importance of this approach when we pulled into the gate of the summer camp we took all of the kids to for a week of fun and play. I had a distinct image in my mind of what it would be like, which was supported by the high expectations I’d gathered from various stories over the year. I only realized how unrealistic my expectations were as the gate opened and I realized that our “beach camp” was a walled-in plot of dirt in a coastal town!)
Part of my cross-cultural adjustment has been finding a healthy balance between this low-expectation approach and still waiting expectantly upon the Lord to do great things and remaining faithful as I wait. I’ve been challenged to sift through my own expectations in order to set realistic ones – weeding out elements that are based on my own cultural background and trying to develop a more realistic view for this time and place that I’m living in.
I’ve shared pieces of my cross-cultural ministry experiences (all largely stemming from my expectations) here on CG Confessions before – the good, the bad and the funny. I know that setting more appropriate expectations has become a central point in my coping strategy with some of the issues that we’ve faced here. From perusing your blogs, reading your comments and conversing with other cross-cultural ministry comrades, I have taken comfort in knowing that we’re not the only ones who seem to encounter almost comically frustrating episodes of drama in local church ministry.
After watching too many seemingly successful conflict resolution efforts dissipate within days, sometimes even hours, of seeking biblical resolution between members of our church, my expectations for genuine forgiveness have become very low. After hearing people respond to wise and truth-laden sermons by wishing So-And-So could have been there to be convicted of their sin, my expectations for repentance and confession have dropped as well.
As I have lowered my expectations to help combat my frustrations, I have also focused on reminding myself of these truths:
change is slow,
Christ’s call is radical,
and old fleshly habits can be powerfully gratifying in difficult times.
So recently I have been praying with great expectations for Christ’s transformational touch to be upon us all, while maintaining low expectations for day to day change, which has been giving me the patience I need to keep going.
And then out of nowhere, at a meeting I didn’t even want to attend because of the inter-church drama that has drying me up this week, my expectations were so greatly exceeded that I hardly knew what to think. Dissention was brewing even as the meeting was beginning and my low expectations had dropped even lower. We moved through our agenda and as I set my weary eyes on the clock, wishing I could transport myself home to bed, the Spirit began to move…
One brave woman confessed her anger towards another woman in the church and sought her forgiveness.
Another brave soul followed suit and confessed resentment and distrust towards a fellow elder in the church, who then offered his forgiveness and reconciliation in return.
A young woman on the brink of scandalous divorce exposed her hardened heart and asked for help from those around her.
Testimonies of broken patterns of alcoholism, domestic abuse and marital unfaithfulness came from several others.
Spontaneous prayer was offered over individuals as they shared their stories.
And we simply sat back and watched as our expectations (low though they may have been) were not just exceeded, but shattered by the movement of the Spirit in our presence.
And I’ve been relishing this powerful reminder of the importance of continuing to have great expectations for what God can do without expecting great disappointment as a result.
What do you think of when you hear the phrase “great expectations”? Charles Dickens, perhaps? An inspiring sermon you may have heard about having great expectations for the work God is going to do in a certain situation or setting? I have to confess that my first thought when I hear this phrase is…great disappointment.
I’m not usually such a pessimist, but it’s true – over time I have come to believe that the higher and greater my expectations are, the more likely I am to be disappointed. I would suggest that this perception is actually a part of what keeps me optimistic in many situations – my expectations are low, so I am always hopeful for what may transpire. I don’t go around expecting the worst; I just try to keep an openness of mind with most things so that I don’t set myself up for disappointment.
(I was reminded of the importance of this approach when we pulled into the gate of the summer camp we took all of the kids to for a week of fun and play. I had a distinct image in my mind of what it would be like, which was supported by the high expectations I’d gathered from various stories over the year. I only realized how unrealistic my expectations were as the gate opened and I realized that our “beach camp” was a walled-in plot of dirt in a coastal town!)
Part of my cross-cultural adjustment has been finding a healthy balance between this low-expectation approach and still waiting expectantly upon the Lord to do great things and remaining faithful as I wait. I’ve been challenged to sift through my own expectations in order to set realistic ones – weeding out elements that are based on my own cultural background and trying to develop a more realistic view for this time and place that I’m living in.
I’ve shared pieces of my cross-cultural ministry experiences (all largely stemming from my expectations) here on CG Confessions before – the good, the bad and the funny. I know that setting more appropriate expectations has become a central point in my coping strategy with some of the issues that we’ve faced here. From perusing your blogs, reading your comments and conversing with other cross-cultural ministry comrades, I have taken comfort in knowing that we’re not the only ones who seem to encounter almost comically frustrating episodes of drama in local church ministry.
After watching too many seemingly successful conflict resolution efforts dissipate within days, sometimes even hours, of seeking biblical resolution between members of our church, my expectations for genuine forgiveness have become very low. After hearing people respond to wise and truth-laden sermons by wishing So-And-So could have been there to be convicted of their sin, my expectations for repentance and confession have dropped as well.
As I have lowered my expectations to help combat my frustrations, I have also focused on reminding myself of these truths:
change is slow,
Christ’s call is radical,
and old fleshly habits can be powerfully gratifying in difficult times.
So recently I have been praying with great expectations for Christ’s transformational touch to be upon us all, while maintaining low expectations for day to day change, which has been giving me the patience I need to keep going.
And then out of nowhere, at a meeting I didn’t even want to attend because of the inter-church drama that has drying me up this week, my expectations were so greatly exceeded that I hardly knew what to think. Dissention was brewing even as the meeting was beginning and my low expectations had dropped even lower. We moved through our agenda and as I set my weary eyes on the clock, wishing I could transport myself home to bed, the Spirit began to move…
One brave woman confessed her anger towards another woman in the church and sought her forgiveness.
Another brave soul followed suit and confessed resentment and distrust towards a fellow elder in the church, who then offered his forgiveness and reconciliation in return.
A young woman on the brink of scandalous divorce exposed her hardened heart and asked for help from those around her.
Testimonies of broken patterns of alcoholism, domestic abuse and marital unfaithfulness came from several others.
Spontaneous prayer was offered over individuals as they shared their stories.
And we simply sat back and watched as our expectations (low though they may have been) were not just exceeded, but shattered by the movement of the Spirit in our presence.
And I’ve been relishing this powerful reminder of the importance of continuing to have great expectations for what God can do without expecting great disappointment as a result.
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