Tuesday, August 11, 2009

Confession, without excuses

[what's brewing: uhhhhmmmmm...I forgot]

Well, since this blog has not only disclosed many of my own confessions but is in fact titled Coffeegirl Confessions, it would only be fitting to add another confession today in explanation of the tardiness of this blog post: I forgot. Sure there are many factors that contributed to my forgetting, but the bottom line is that in the midst of juggling too many balls this week, this one got dropped. And the strangest thing is that I didn’t even know I was dropping it until I woke up this morning, shocked and disappointed that this one slipped through my hands.

But it brings up an interesting conversation I recently had with my mom about excuses. Having found myself frustrated and unsatisfied by the excuses I’ve been offered by others lately, I have recently challenged myself to stop offering excuses and simply apologize when I haven’t managed to do something or be somewhere that I said I would.

I have realized that although it is personally satisfying to offer an explanation of the why behind my failure to pull through on something, it is ultimately an attempt to escape responsibility which is ultimately mine to be taken. I am most often uninterested in the why behind other people’s failure to pull through. I find that it is far easier for me to accept someone’s apology (if offered, which many times it isn’t because the offending party is clearly the circumstance, not the individual!) when responsibility is simply taken and no excuses are offered.

So I resolved to stop offering excuses and to simply take responsibility for the times when I would much prefer to offer an excuse or explanation of my failure to pull through. And as it often seems to go, I awoke this morning to a very unwanted opportunity to put this new resolution into action.

So to all you Coffeegirls out there, I’m so sorry to have let this slip. I dropped the ball this week and hope to pick it up today and deliver the usual weekly brew of life as I’m experiencing it in this crazy world of cross-cultural living next Tuesday. (And if for some reason I don’t manage to do that, be prepared to find some darn good excuses here next week – I don’t know if I could resist under double temptation!)

[editor's note: I forgive you, Coffeegirl.]


Shilo said...

Bless you! Here's wishing for a less hectic week!

Becky Aguirre said...

I can imagine that it is hard to keep up with blog posting on a regular basis! No worries...we enjoy hearing from you even if it is 'just' for an apology...lol! Bendiciones...Becky

kimom said...

Life without excuses is a powerful concept. When I read your post, there was a part of me that is really relieved to know that other godly women have failings just like me. It is hope inspiring to me when people confess.

It is also brave. Can we be brave enough to firmly place all that responsibility on our own shoulders? AND brave enough to let it go (without the GUILT!) in full confidence that this too is 'PAID FOR' by the blood of Christ. Brave enough to forgive ourselves?

That is a brave way to live indeed.
This too is 'PAID FOR'.
My challenge is forgiving myself!
Anyone else?

Ellie said...

I didn't notice, because I was busy, too!

I used to live near military people and one of them told me that if they do something wrong, the only answer that is allowed when a superior brings us the mistake is,

"Sir, no excuse, sir!"

hmmm... I can be a master of excuses.

But when someone makes excuses to me, I think, "excuses are like flowers on a manure pile - look pretty, but can't hide the stink underneath!"

HereBeDragons said...

Indeed. When confronted with some problems situations one day, each time I had some type of explanation or shift of blame. I was sick even of hearing myself talk! I resolved to try the same thing. It's not easy.

Tim and Susan said...

Nope! No excuses allowed. You said so yourself.

Really, that is so funny because the other I was e-mailing someone since I hadn't done what I had said I would do and I too was tempted to offer excuses...(oh, we were in the emergency room, etc.) I agree, it's just better to say sorry.

Anonymous said...

Thanks for your humble words. Great inspiration -- to apologize even when our faux pas was unintentional! A friend recently shared... "Bill Goddard taught me to go from 'I'm sorry' to 'Please forgive me,' Bill Thrall taught me to say 'Please forgive me and how can I make it up to you?' as a means of keeping the relationship active. Coffeegirl -- you are forgiven (and your forgetting made us all feel closer to you :) and you can make it up to us by continuing to share your thoughts from a wonderful, vulnerable and 'real' place. Thank You!! Patty

Beth Niquette said...

What an interesting perspective. And how well written it is! I enjoyed your thoughtful blog this morning.

Duane and Carin said...

Thanks for being faithful to inspire, connect, draw out, be humble, be thought provoking, and answer the call to serve others.
Blessings on your day :-)

Judy's Travel Tales said...

I am new to this post, and this one caught my eye because I can relate! It is a struggle to just say "sorry, no excuses". Sometimes that is warranted. I have also heard excuses (and given some myself!) that sounded sooo lame! and I knew it.

I wonder, though. Why not both, not either or? Why not a genuine apology with full ownership while at the same time giving the extenuating circumstances that led to the mistake, misstep or blunder? Life can get that way, things do happen that prevent us from fulfilling our promises or expectations.

When I have only heard one without the other, a barrier can get built up. When I hear both, in a genuine manner, my irritation dissipates. My compassion grows for the other and allows me to be genuine as well in similar circumstances.
What do you think?


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