tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3540836636573399097.post7565920690077600931..comments2023-10-06T01:42:29.046-06:00Comments on Coffeegirl's Community: Sharing a BurdenUnknownnoreply@blogger.comBlogger14125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3540836636573399097.post-91904287768640742342009-03-27T07:51:00.000-06:002009-03-27T07:51:00.000-06:00(I can't change the photo... I've forgotten how, s...(I can't change the photo... I've forgotten how, so I'll be a gorilla for this conversation!)<BR/><BR/>I've been in my country 10 years and I find that transparency is extremely helpful, mostly because our host country has built-in barriers, namely, the after effects of communism and all that trusting or mistrusting someone meant in that context.<BR/><BR/>I've walked through some pretty deep stuff and if it's relevant to the person's situation, I tend to share it. If I'm concerned that it might discredit or harm my husband's ministry, I 'sanitize' it a bit by putting it into a different time frame, or re-framing it in some other way. <BR/><BR/>Overwhelmingly, though, the women I talk with are grateful that someone has walked where they have walked. Being 'broken' is not acceptable in church culture here - sad, but true - so people are terrified to admit they've got a problem. <BR/><BR/>Sometimes, though, more due to busy-ness than anything else, I do struggle with having someone to share current struggles. Also, I have some very close friends, but the Lord has rotated them out of my life, and it's hard to re-build that with someone when a crunch situation arises. My national friends cannot sometimes relate to what I'm struggling with, either because their marriages are younger, their children are younger, or they just can't imagine my circumstances.<BR/><BR/>But the one comment about getting a different perspective hits home with me. When I'm actually able to get across what it is that's a problem, my national friends have asked some amazing questions, or have just sat there, amazed that I think that's such a big deal.<BR/><BR/>Still, the temptation to hide some of the harder stuff is there; hiding is pretty hard, though, and I work more on the being careful end of the transparency spectrum.Donnahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13591725391279648083noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3540836636573399097.post-82140476713873828652009-03-22T17:37:00.000-06:002009-03-22T17:37:00.000-06:00When most of your struggles are associated with th...When most of your struggles are associated with the culture you're adjusting too, sharing your battles can be counter-productive to ministry, I've found. I'm pretty sure the national women have no idea what a hard time I have embracing their culture. In the past when I've tried to relate my struggles, their shock and disbelief were almost comical. Nationals who have done international travel extensively or have lived outside their own culture tend to be empathetic, but overall, I've come to the conclusion that I have to be careful about transparency with certain people with whom and about what I am transparent .Ben Layerhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12814048436491035404noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3540836636573399097.post-39950774105294897432009-03-16T19:21:00.000-06:002009-03-16T19:21:00.000-06:00This isn't an answer to your question, just a comm...This isn't an answer to your question, just a comment. I just found your blog, and what do you know... I'm an ISFJ and I'm seeking my graduate degree in counseling with plans to be in full-time ministry. <BR/><BR/>funny. :)Kaciehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06374573594800663980noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3540836636573399097.post-32271152395952601602009-03-14T07:37:00.000-06:002009-03-14T07:37:00.000-06:00Great question! We serve in ministry to college st...Great question! We serve in ministry to college students, and the majority of the people that we minister to are in a very different stage of life and are relatively new believers. For this reason, I don't share about absolutely every aspect of my life, not because of culture, but because of maturity and what they can understand thoroughly enough. I think it is very important to share struggles, even with people who might not be able to relate fully or understand completely, but I think there are reasons not to tell everything.I don't feel like it is a lack of being willing to be transparent though. I actually wish there were more people in our ministry that I could be completely transparent with! <BR/><BR/>Like several of you mentioned, when someone is dealing with a struggle that I am dealing with or have dealt with, I think there is so much value in stepping into that conversation with vulnerability and offering wisdom from experience. <BR/><BR/>Sharing about life with young believers is kind of like the relationship of parents to children though. For children, or those who are young in their faith etc, we discern what they are mature enough to handle and what will cause them to grow, and then we share with them on that level.<BR/><BR/>Anyway, I desire to be appropriately vulnerable and love the depth of relationship that comes along with it, and I am sure that I can grow in this area!Ashley L.https://www.blogger.com/profile/17480043108546504352noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3540836636573399097.post-60931996584740653812009-03-12T23:28:00.000-06:002009-03-12T23:28:00.000-06:00It depends a lot on the context. When in the villa...It depends a lot on the context. When in the village, there is so much that the people cannot even imagine which is part of my life and the burdens that come with it. e.g. praying for a brother who is atheist, finding housing for furlough, academic challenges. It's easier in a town where people have a wider horizon. Nevertheless, I remember the frustration when I tried to share with a very good friend, intellectual, has lived in other countries, mature Christian, that I am feeling somewhat depressed and in need of prayer, and she just gave me this blank look, as if I was talking Chinese.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3540836636573399097.post-553931756949474552009-03-12T20:19:00.000-06:002009-03-12T20:19:00.000-06:00My mentor has been working with me/ helping me wor...My mentor has been working with me/ helping me work through some serious issues regarding my lack of desire to be transparent. I have learned a lot in the past year. One thing that was super helpful was a Sonship course by World Harvest Mission (I think) that helped me really see my sin and be grateful for abundant forgiveness. <BR/><BR/>My mentor has also been challenging me with the question, "What would life be like if Jesus' opinion really was the only one that really mattered?" I think I would be much more open about struggles and issues if I truly had that kind of faith, if truly only Jesus mattered. I'm working on it though, and its been a great ride!Jessiehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10245980255151670196noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3540836636573399097.post-7377816933259250122009-03-11T05:10:00.000-06:002009-03-11T05:10:00.000-06:00There was a Thank you but it disappeared!There was a Thank you but it disappeared!Grammyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17389507215721317764noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3540836636573399097.post-7064450867176755052009-03-11T05:09:00.000-06:002009-03-11T05:09:00.000-06:00ladies for all your insights. We are still in Lang...ladies for all your insights. We are still in Language school but soon to be in our country. I will take to heart all that you have shared.Grammyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17389507215721317764noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3540836636573399097.post-21713995520521005172009-03-10T17:43:00.000-06:002009-03-10T17:43:00.000-06:00"After years in various ministry positions, the po..."After years in various ministry positions, the posture of receiving others’ burdens has become more natural than the posture of offering my own to others." OUCH! I can relate. . . <BR/><BR/>Yes, I can share my burdens with my national coworkers, but that is probably because the language comes easily to me and the culture is a good fit for my personality. Its hard for me to share in general, but my best friends here are the nationals.Brendahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00062037882359130530noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3540836636573399097.post-76919637583919659972009-03-10T12:31:00.000-06:002009-03-10T12:31:00.000-06:00I have struggled a lot with this b/c we have been ...I have struggled a lot with this b/c we have been in a situation where it seemed like we were expected to be perfect. At the same time, I desire and feel I should be "real". In general, I have seen that those who recognize that they themselves are "weak", respond well to this, but ones that are trying to "prove themselves" to be spiritual do not. I'm still learning what "real" should look like! What we had shared in the past was used against us- although it was a very hurtful experience...I haven't decided if that means we shouldn't have been real...b/c I see how God has/is using it...I'm asking God to teach me the balance on this one!! I'm often reminded that God came for the "weak" and the sinners and delights in showing His strength through our weaknesses...too often churches portray that you have to have it all together to serve God...is this what we really want to communicate?? Another question I've wrestled with is, "Am I willing to be real at the risk of getting criticized...but at the same time being able to impact others who are hurting"...Is it worth it?Tim and Michellehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18090942269108878089noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3540836636573399097.post-34031676653679838952009-03-10T10:53:00.000-06:002009-03-10T10:53:00.000-06:00Wow! Making me really think here! :) I think that ...Wow! Making me really think here! :) I think that I do not freely share with people we are here to minister to. If I do, it is because I have gotten to know them and I can tell that maturity-wise in Christ they can handle it and will care. I think I'm very careful. <BR/>I think my husband and I both tend to share deeper things if we think it would encourage or help the other person. For instance, there was a time a couple came to us sharing some struggles in their relationship and we shared with her that we totally related. We especially wanted to share with them because we wanted them to see that struggles aren't something they only deal with and that there are many others even near them that struggle and yet God loves us and is working on us,etc. <BR/><BR/>Sharing things I struggle with can help break down barriers sometimes, and can really be shepherding people and they'll notice that! And at the same time can be an encouragement to me that I am not all alone here, satan likes to lie to me and make me believe I AM all along in my struggles, but there are people right here near me who even if I might think at first that they wouldn't understand or care, they really do! And if my partner girl friend reads this, thank you for our talk yesterday!! <BR/><BR/>I think I have a lot to learn yet about this. It's great to read others' thoughts and I relate to many of them!Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06032620902769189552noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3540836636573399097.post-79195834800422574142009-03-10T10:11:00.000-06:002009-03-10T10:11:00.000-06:00Interesting and thoughtful blog! In the past, i.e...Interesting and thoughtful blog! In the past, i.e. before going on the mission field - I found that I mostly kept my burdens to myself. However, I found that once going on the mission field I found that to stay emotionally healthy, I found I needed to have a different perspective on things other than myself, and have found myself being much more open than ever before.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01244043108924274434noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3540836636573399097.post-76872206343839681342009-03-10T09:56:00.000-06:002009-03-10T09:56:00.000-06:00I find I share controlled amounts. I share things...I find I share controlled amounts. I share things that have to do with the text we're studying or that I think will help them grow by seeing that I have to work on those areas too. I don't naturally share the deepest darkest parts of me and tend to think that's nobody's business unless it will serve to teach them. (Even then it's usually a past-tense sharing.) Part of my reasoning for this is the fact that they will often use information about us (missionaries) as ammunition/blackmail later. They have found that to be singularly unsatisfying with me because I don't like secrets, so as soon as they try to "whisper" things, I start broadcasting it to the world -- something very disconcerting to a Latin. <BR/><BR/>I, too, am an introvert but have learned to share enough to make others feel like they are in my heart. I don't know if that is right or not but it is what it is.Alan & Beth McManushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18302406278511895369noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3540836636573399097.post-16408617177090486652009-03-10T09:50:00.000-06:002009-03-10T09:50:00.000-06:00I wonder about this often.We work on a team that m...I wonder about this often.<BR/><BR/>We work on a team that my husband is the team leader of, and he is the same nationality as they are, and I am different, the "foreigner".<BR/><BR/>Sometimes, I think I can only share controlled portions of my life with the team. But that may have to do with the fact that if I am struggling in my marriage, and I talk, does he lose respect?<BR/><BR/>But silence leads to worsening problems.<BR/><BR/>So, do I talk? I think I am learning to. I've made steps in that direction. I came from a "missionaries are practically perfect in every way" family. (Yeah, Mary Poppins!) I'm learning to be more honest in my relationships among others. Doing well there, but in our team... I wonder what effect being the wife of the team leader has. How honest can we be? Where do we get help when we struggle? I suppose pastor's wives have the same questions at times, too.<BR/><BR/>Yet my steps so far in that direction have brought only good.Elliehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18228465663336628118noreply@blogger.com